Abandonment
by Dark Magician Girl Forever
Summary: Haou and Juudai have been amrried for a year now, but when tragedy strikes Haou's family and forces him to leave for an unknown amount of time, will he return to Juudai like he promised or will he forget the wife and the life he left behind? Selfshipping, mentions of sex, and angst. Flames will be used to heat water for my bath.


Me: I do not own Yugioh GX! I just own my Ocs!

(Line)

Hands griping tightly, bruised lips parting in cries of pleasure, brown and gold eyes hazed over with lust, pale bodies pressed flush against each other, fingernails scraping, leaving red marks down the others back, strong hands pressing into hips, marring them with bruises, previously loose muscles tensing and locking up, and the sweet falling sensation of release.

Juudai fought to steady his breathing, his arms still locked tight around Haou's neck. His mind tried to clear through the hazy layer of bliss he found himself trapped in, but I was a good feeling. He wanted to lie there just a bit longer, with Haou, warm and protecting by his side.

"Juudai let me up." Haou said, his voice was soft, comforting, a lover's voice on an early morning.

Juudai responded and moved closer to Haou. He heard Haou sigh and stroke his hair. "Juudai I have to leave now."

And just like that, Juudai's heaven came crashing down and hard reality was left in its place. Haou was leaving him, he should have known he couldn't make the older boy stay.

"You'll come back won't you?" Juudai asked.

Haou sighed. "I don't know."

"Haou please…don't-"

"Juudai we've been over this. I have to."

"But you hate them! You told me yourself!"

"I know but as much as I detest my family, I can't abandon them."

"Why not? They seem to have abandoned you."

"Juudai please don't make this any harder for me. If I don't go back to France now, the business will fall into ruin. My family will be thrown out onto the streets."

"Much like you were."

"Juudai I won't fight with you."

"Then don't leave!"

"You know I can't do that."

Tears blurred Juudai's vision. He knew Haou hated his family, knew he hated the family wine business, and knew that the older boy's family had thrown Haou out onto the streets when he was sixteen, all because he was gay.

"Juudai," Haou cupped the smaller boy's face in his hands, brushing a lock of Juudai's auburn hair from the lovely brown eyes that looked up at Haou with love and heartache swimming in them. "I would stay if I could. I mean it. I would. But I can't abandon them. They're my family."

"And what am I?!" Juudai snapped, anger pulsing in his veins. He held up his left hand, where the golden wedding band shined in the light. "I'm your family too Haou! And you're abandoning me!"

"Juudai I never said that."

"But it's the truth! You're going to leave me here and go back to France and never come back!"

"Juudai I love you. I will never abandon you. I'll send for you when I can, I swear it. But know this, however long it takes, _I will never abandon you._"

Haou pressed his lips to Juudai's as the smaller boy started to cry heavily. Haou was his husband, and he was leaving, that was all Juudai could comprehend at the moment.

"Please don't leave me here. I can't do this without you."

"Yes you can. I know you Juudai. You're strong, beautiful, smart, you'll get by. I'll send money, I'll call, I'll keep in touch. I promise."

"How do I know you'll stick to that promise?"

"Because of this." He took Juudai's hands in his own and sighed. "I, Haou Yuki, do hereby swear to you, Juudai Anderson Yuki, to remain faithful, loving, and caring to you for the remainder of my days."

Juudai smiled tearfully. "And I, Juudai Anderson Yuki, do hereby swear to you, Haou Yuki, to remain faithful, loving, and caring to you for the reminder of my days."

Haou kissed Juudai and whispered against his lips, "_Est anima mea amores mei."_

Juudai fought back a sob as he repeated it back.

They had just repeated their wedding vows to each other for probably the last time. Haou knew that the chances he could come back would be slim but if all went well he'd be able to send for Juudai within a year, maybe two.

"My soul is my loves…" Juudai said, translating the Latin they had spoken. "Did you truly mean that?"

"Did you?"

"Of course I did."

"There's your answer."

Juudai sat up as Haou did, watching Haou slip out of bed and get dressed, with pain in his eyes. There was nothing he could do to stop him now. He knew that.

After Haou was dressed in a new suit, and Juudai had combed his hair and fussed over him like he always did, Juudai put on a bathrobe and followed Haou outside where the taxi was waiting.

Haou kissed Juudai's forehead and hugged him one last time. "Steady on the home front _ma cher_." Haou said, kissing Juudai's lips.

"Stay safe, _koibito." _Juudai said, using the affectionate name he had given Haou.

Haou hugged him, one last time, and whispered in his ear. "_Est anima mea amores mei." _

Juudai hugged him back just as tightly and whispered, "_Est anima mea amores mei."_

Haou nodded and let go, tears in his eyes, before climbing into the taxi.

Juudai watched and waved until the small car was out of sight before going back into the house.

It seemed so empty now that Haou was gone. Juudai sat down at the kitchen table and started to sob. He had never let Haou seen him cry, but now he wished he was here, holding him, comforting him. But he wasn't. Haou was on his wa to the airport, to France, to a family that hated him. And he would probably never come back to Japan, to the house they shared, to Juudai.

The thought of going on forever, waiting for Haou, made Juudai's already cracked heart shatter into a million pieces.

The phone rang and Juudai fumbled for it, saying in a cracked voice, "Yuki residence, Juudai speaking."

"Juudai what's wrong?"

Juudai let out a sigh of relief. His adopted brother, Johan, was on the other end.

"Johan…Haou's gone back to France…to help his family."

"Why? He hates them!"

"I know. But his Uncle died and left the business to him. He told me if he didn't go back that his family would get thrown into the streets. He said he'd send for me as soon as he could."

"Do you want me or Jehu or Rei to come down and be with you for a few minutes?"

"Yeah…I'd like that."

"Okay. Hang in there Juudai. We're on our way."

"Thank you…"

"You're welcome."

Juudai hung up and looked around the bright yellow kitchen. He had begged and pleaded with Haou to let him paint it a bright welcoming color. Haou had simply said he wanted it to be white and that was the end of it. So Juudai had gone out and bought bright yellow paint, hiding it in the garage until Haou left on a business trip. Haou had come home to find Juudai on a ladder, painting a saying on the bright yellow wall in dark blue paint. Looking to his right, Juudai could see the words he had carefully painted with his own hands. _The good lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb_.

Juudai remembered Haou had decided to surprise Juudai, who hadn't been paying attention to anything aside from his work and the music playing on his ear buds. Haou had shaken the ladder, scaring Juudai into falling off, spraining his ankle when it got caught in the rungs of the ladder, and covering himself and Haou both in blue paint.

But Haou had caught him in the end so Juudai supposed that it hadn't been that bad of a day.

Juudai turned the wedding band around on his finger for a few minutes before standing and making coffee. After growing bored of watching the coffee pot, Juudai turned on the television, only to turn it off again. Juudai sat back down and proceeded to stare at the old diary he had once kept. Juudai skipped the melodramatic high school years, and went right to a date he knew well. The day he married Haou. He read and reread the entry, thinking about the last time he had written in it.

He had stopped writing in the diary the night after their wedding.

_ "What are you writing?" Haou asked, looking over Juudai's shoulder at the small leather book Juudai had been writing in. Juudai finished the sentence, signed his name, and shut the book._

_ "My diary." The smaller boy answered._

_ Haou smiled. "A diary? What do you need that for?"_

_ Juudai tapped is chin with the pen, thinking. He had started the diary to get over the slight dyslexia problem he had found out he had in grade school, but it had gotten so much better and Juudai had just kept writing well into college and now was still writing a year out of college and a day into his marriage._

_ "I don't really know. I started keeping one in grade school because of my dyslexia and I guess I never stopped."_

_ Haou kissed Juudai's forehead, wrapping his arms around the smaller boys bare shoulders._

_ Juudai settled back into Haou's bare chest and smiled, turning the book over in his hands before setting it down. "I don't think I need this anymore."_

_ "What makes you say that?"_

_ Juudai turned around and kissed Haou. "Because I trust you with all my private thoughts. I don't need to write them down anymore."_

A knock on the door startled Juudai back to reality and he muttered, "It's open." Before looking at the entry and seeing that his tears had smudged the blue ink.

"Juudai? We're here." Jehu called into the empty house.

Juudai looked up at his brothers and sister, all standing with something they knew he's need. Rei was loaded down with some of Juudai's old stuffed animals and boxes of chocolates, Jehu had an armload of movies that no one would pay attention to, and Johan had a paper bag filled with boxes of tissues.

Rei dropped the stuffed animals onto the couch before going over and hugging Juudai.

"I'm sorry nii-chan. I'm sure he'll come back soon." Rei said, trying to lighten Juudai's mood.

Juudai simply wrapped his arms around her and let himself go to pieces in her arms. Rei simply cradled him tightly while saying something to Johan, who set down his bag and went to the fridge, taking out the ingredients that would make Juudai's favorite comfort food, fried shrimp.

Jehu started helping Johan, having never been one for hugs.

After the shrimp was cooked, and eaten, all four settled into the living room, trying to comfort Juudai. It was around nine when they all left, leaving Juudai with leftover shrimp and promises of coming back tomorrow.

Juudai sat on the couch with his legs pulled to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, and his chin resting on his knees. He was alone with his thoughts and kept looking at the clock, wondering if Haou was in France yet and what he was doing.

All was so quiet in the house that Juudai had fallen asleep, his head resting on his knees, and had been frightened out of his wits and falling off the couch when the phone rang.

"Yuki residence, Juudai speaking." He said, rubbing the back of his head and groaning.

"Juudai."

Juudai's head shot up, banging against the coffee table and he fell back, groaning loudly.

His name had been nothing but a simple word, a whisper barely, but it was enough to make the feeling of abandonment vanish, if only for a few minutes.

"Haou." He said, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Are you alright? I heard a bang."

"I'm alright. I hit my head on the coffee table."

"How did you do that?"

"I fell off the couch."

Haou's small laugh was enough to bring Juudai to tears as he sat on the couch, the phone pressed to his head as he fought to keep his breathing regular.

"I miss you." He said.

"I miss you too."

"Are you going to be able to come back?"

"I don't know Juudai."

The dam broke and Juudai felt the tears slip from his eyes.

"Don't cry Juudai. I promised you I wouldn't abandon you and I'm not. I'll send for you, I promise."

"I don't want you to send for me! I want you to come home!"

"I know _ma cher. _I know."

"Why? Why did you have to go back? They got along fine without you!"

"They need me here Juudai."

"_I_ need you!"

"And I need you but there's nothing I can do about it right now."

"Haou…"

"Juudai don't worry. I'll send for you. I swear it. If I can get away I'll come home to you."

"Haou I don't know how to do this without you."

"Juudai you have access to both our bank accounts and a job. You're smart. I know you can do this."

"At least that makes one of us."

"Juudai….if I could I'd be on the next flight home but I can't. I'll call every night, I promise."

Juudai wrapped his arms around his shoulders, wishing they were Haou's arms.

"Juudai I have to go. I'll call you again tomorrow. I promise."

"I love you Haou."

"I love you too Juudai."

Silence hung between them, as if waiting to see who would hang up first.

Juudai laughed a little. "Just like back in school?"

Haou smiled and Juudai could hear it in his voice. "On three?"

"One…"

"Two…"

Silence again before they whispered, "Three," and hung up.

Juudai collapsed into tears, shaking and rocking back and forth. He had no clue that, halfway across the world, Haou had fallen against the wall of his hotel room and buried his head in his knees, sobbing.

Neither one wanted this but duty meant doing the things you may well regret. Haou couldn't leave his family to starve on the streets but leaving Juudai had been the hardest thing he had ever done, and it was killing him, little by little.


End file.
